Hiring Woes

Dear Applicants,

Thank you for your interest in our open position at Company X. I know you are searching for just the right place for employment as we are searching for just the right employee. I regret to inform you that the position has been filled and I would like to offer you some suggestions for improving your search.

• If the ad says submit cover letter and resume, submit a cover letter and resume. Don’t submit a resume and say a cover letter is not available at this time. Make one available!
• Always write a cover letter. I hire for entry level positions and I have a rule- no cover letter no interview. This is your opportunity to share parts of yourself that may not be clear by glancing at your resume.
  
• Always proof read your cover letter and resume. Incomplete sentences and spelling errors contradict your claim of excellent writing skills.
• Use a professional e-mail address for job communications. Tinkrmybells is not professional.
• If you should be so bold as to tell me my e-mail address is wrong, you better be right. Otherwise I’ll be forced to believe you just can’t read and funny how 40 other people had no problem.
• Don’t misspell my company’s name and then say what a great eye for detail you have.
• Put your last name on your resume. Giving me just an initial makes me think you are hiding something.
• Take a note from minimal disclosure guy above, I don’t need you SSN or DOB and it’s not safe to send that kind of information over the Internet.
• You say your loyal and hard working, yet every year you are in a new city with a new job.
• If you are moving to a new state or a new career, explain why in your cover letter. Otherwise I’m left to make up my own reasons and I have a pretty outrageous imagination.
• It's pretty presumptuous to tell me when I'm going to call you. I’m the hiring manager and I get to decide how it’s done, when it's done, and whether or not you're involved.
  
• Include the dates of when you worked and put them in chronological order. I have better things to do than unscramble the last 25 years of your employment history.
• Don’t be inflammatory. It’s one thing to be confident it’s another to go inflate the truth. If you are going to make grandiose comments like how you are going to improve company productive in an entry level position in an industry you know nothing about, you better tell me how. Otherwise I think you are just full of yourself.
• Don’t supply 5 pages of your journalism awards for an entry level writing and marketing position. 0-1 years experience equals entry wages; we can’t afford your inflated ego.
• Check out Resumania for other silly things you should avoid doing.
  

I wish you the best of luck in your employment search.

Thank you,
DEL

P.S. I really haven't hired anyone, I just couldn't bring myself to hire you.